Alone and Insecure
by Mello Longfellow
Summary: Near after the end of Death Note. SPOILER AHEAD: After Mello, Matt and L, Kira and all them are all dead. Like, right after Kira's downfall. One-shot, not strictly yaoi. Will not be added to. It's a ONESHOT. Kthx. xD


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Just the awesome-sauce story below. ;o

_A/N: _Not intended to be yaoi, although I suppose it could fit in with some yaoi stories. -shrug- Anyway, this has MAJOR SPOILERS! IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE DEATH NOTE SERIES, DON'T READ THIS!!! :o Kthx.

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Near had finally done it. He'd avenged L. He'd caught Kira and Kira had died. He'd completed his goal, he'd completed his life. And yet. . .he felt so hollow. Mello had helped in Kira's downfall. And now Mello was gone to. L was gone. Avenging him didn't change that either. And Matt. Even Matt left a hole in Near's slowly shattering heart. Watari too. . .there was no one left. No reason. He had saved the world from Kira's evil... to what purpose?

Matsuda and the others who had been at Kira's death scene were long gone, back to their lovers and families. Near was alone once again. He had stayed in the warehouse until everyone else had left. Now, crouching on the floor, he allowed a single tear to fall from his face, landing in the dust on the floor as he slowly wrote 'Lawliet, Matto, Mello' with his finger. He had won. And yet, he'd never felt such loss.

Was it really worth it? Did it _matter_ if it was worth it, now that it was over. Kira was dead. Near knew he should feel happy. Accomplished. Satisfied. Relieved. But no. Just broken. Empty. Defeated.

"I'm alone." he said experimentally. His small voice echoed throughout the empty warehouse and he sighed. He wondered if perhaps this was how L had felt before he found the three boys at the Wammy House. Maybe that was why L had started to look for a succesor in the first place - perhaps he had been lonely. Near considered the possibility of searching for his own heir, but the idea did not appeal to him. Could he really put another kid through what he'd gone through trying to impress L? And then. . .losing him.

Near had spent so much time worshipping L, trying to please him. Do anything he wanted. He'd never had _time_ to get to really, truly know Mello and Matt, or anyone else. Now that they were gone, ironically, he found himself craving their company. Even if Matt didn't talk to him, just stared at his gameboy screen, Near would have given anything to have him there. And Mello. Even if he _did_ say he hated Near. Even if he pulled a gun on him. Near would give anything, now, to take a bullet fired by him.

Suicide. This also seemed like a bad idea. There was no point. And, since his recent experience had proven that Shinigami were real, he was a little concerned for 'life after death,' as it were. No, he wanted to delay dying for as long as possible.

But what was the purpose of living, without anyone to love? He curled his hair around his finger as he thought just how much he really _had_ loved them - all of them. He never had bothered to think through it much when they were with him. But now that they were gone. . .his love was threatening to break his heart in two, it was so great.

He stared down at the names written in the dust and smiled a little. There might not be a purpose. But he would live. He would live for them. Perhaps, if he could avenge them all, and complete all the things they'd wanted to do, his soul would find relief. He would finish all L's minor unsolved cases. He would finish off Mello's stash of chocolate, and buy that new leather vest he'd been wanting. He'd even beat Matt's pokemon game. The one he'd been raving about for the past two weeks. _If I can complete their lives, perhaps mine will then feel complete._ It was just another puzzle. Near stood, determined to start gathering the pieces together. _One at a time, I will finish it. For all of you._

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Review? -waves Mello's chocolate stash in face- :o

Btw, I cried a bit when I wrote this. It's almost impossible to get me to cry. D:


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